Losing a Child

If you have experienced the loss of your teen to suicide, your own health is just as important as your family’s, and it is important that you take time to care for yourself. Often, parents are so caught up making sure everyone else is okay they don’t allow themselves time to grieve properly. Losing a child, whether due to suicide or other circumstances is probably the most painful loss anyone can experience. It is not uncommon to feel guilty or as though you have somehow failed as a parent. Do not let yourself dwell on these fears. They are perfectly normal and healthy, but they’re not productive, especially since there is often no closure or resolution to them.

There are many things experts recommend you as a parent can do to help the healing process. First of all, don’t close yourself off from friends, family and community. While many people find it awkward and don’t know what to say to those who have just lost someone to suicide, there is most likely someone out there willing to lend an ear when you need them. Try to surround yourself by people who want to be available for you – whether that is friends, neighbors, family or clergy. Often friends may be afraid to approach you, but if you approach them first asking for help they will be completely open and receptive. Friends may not know what is ‘okay’ to talk about with you- they may not know if you want to discuss your child’s at all, let alone any personal details surrounding your child’s suicide. By approaching them, you set the bar for what can and can’t be mentioned, and your friend will most likely take charge once he or she knows what’s okay to discuss.

While focusing on your own grief is crucial, don’t forget that your family is grieving as well, and that everyone grieves differently. If you have other children, let them know you are still their parent and there for them if they ever need to talk. Siblings of suicide victims often feel as though they are burdening their parents with their grief, so they may be less likely to act sad around you. Remember however, that you are still the parent and your living children need your attention too, so let them know you’re there for them if they ever want to talk.